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19 August 2009 @ 10:46 pm
Five Failed Schemes for Universal Domination (drabbles)  
Title: Five Failed Schemes for Universal Domination (drabbles)
Rating: PG (Gen! I wrote gen!)
Author: x_los
Pairing/Characters: Koschei, Brax, Delgado!Master, Six, Ainley!Master, Eight, Cheetah!Master, Jacobi!Master
Summary: ushas42 asked for my "top five 'take over everything' Master!plots that we never saw because the Doctor foiled them off screen, someone else foiled them, or they just fell apart on their own. In chronological order.







Senatorial Page
Koschei and Brax
(Think Ancient Rome, Not Harry Potter)


The newly elected Under-Chancellor cornered his Patronus in the hall.

“Four hours.”

“Hm?”

“I had to listen to Goth talk about ceremonial objects the Sash does and does not clash with for four hours.

His Patronus smirked. “I’m hardly surprised the Chancellor thinks he’s a sartorial luminary. The work of government on Gallifrey largely consists of trivialities. And wearing neckerhats.”

“But when do I get to be President?”

“Never,” Braxiatel said with infinite repressed bitterness.

“Sod this,” Koschei decided, “I’ll con some lower species into letting me have real power. And a fancier title!”



Tic Tac Toe
Delgado!Master


Soon after he was elected President of the Tussini Empire, he ruined its impeccable reputation by annexing the weaker systems nearby. Resistance petered out in the new territories when their economies fared better under his control. Domestic opposition was dealt with discreetly. His hypnotic weekly addresses made the citizens feel safe. His projected lifespan encompassed millennia. He could afford to amass still greater power slowly.

When he discovered the Doctor had been exiled and confined to planetary arrest—which explained why he hadn’t dropped in to try and upset the Master’s arrangements—he abandoned his bleak, solitary triumph with a strange relief.



If you’re wondering whether the Master’s Stefano, yes.
Ainley!Master and Six


“I can’t ‘leave these poor people alone’ until my contract expires,” the Master pointed out. “I’m very popular. They’ve brought my character back from certain death twice already. Have you been watching Days in the Lives of All My Children?, Doctor?”

“Why else would I come to Essex 16? Something terrible is happening here! More than just your pantomime acting.”

The Master scoffed. “You fail to appreciate the medium. During my confinement at Stangmore, I grew fond of Elsie Tanner of Coronation Street—”

While the Doctor ruined his daytime telly hypnosis, the Master couldn’t consider his career a total loss.



Magical Doctor Mistoffelees
Cheetah!Master and Eight


“It got rather out of hand,” the Doctor repeated, deadpan. Standing in a mass of Cheetah people and kitlings gnawing on the Daily Mail theater critic in a ruined West End theater, he felt they were a bit beyond that.

“They were too ‘Maddened by the Midnight Dance.’” The Master, sporting yellow eyes and the tattered remains of a Macavity costume, only just had the decency to look embarrassed. “The psychic energy emitted by a delighted audience could have pulled my Cheetahs free of that dying world. I might’ve amassed an army—”

“This,” the Doctor said, “is your worst idea.”



‘Failure to Achieve his Objectives’ism
Eight, Jacobi!Master


The Doctor was impressed the Master had ended the Time War in weeks. You could tell by the jibering.

“Yes, forcing my modified Libertarian Dalek to leaflet Skaro was genius, thank you, Doctor. Now, to take control of the Daleks for myself!”

“It’s never going to work,” the Doctor tried to warn him as a black Dalek rolled towards them, tailed by a standard silver model.

“MASTER.”

“Yes?”

“WE MUST FOLLOW CHOMSKY, BUT DALEK COMMANDER 08 CONTENDS AYN RAND HAS MERIT. ARBITRATE!”

The Master began to look worried. “I—”

The silver poked him with a plunger. “VALIDATE RON PAUL! VALIDATE!”
 
 
 
you're always running into people's unconscious: the master: lol internetsinnocentsmith on August 20th, 2009 06:56 am (UTC)
OMG CRACK.

The Cats one is my favorite. The Doctor and the Master map very well onto Mistoffelees and Macavity.

...Oh god what is wrong with my brain. *whimpers*

Also, the Delgado!Master one is wonderfully poignant for such a small piece. ♥
x_losfic: Poke!Masterx_losfic on August 20th, 2009 12:57 pm (UTC)
Ahahah. Sorry. Musical theater: I've done it to you.
Bagheera: lonely godbagheera_san on August 20th, 2009 08:33 am (UTC)
The Dalek one is my favourite (it's as good as DALEKS VENERATE SHAKESPEARE :D), but Cats is a close second.

ps. I think you posted this twice to the same journal
x_losfic: O RLY?x_losfic on August 20th, 2009 01:00 pm (UTC)
Ah, fixed that, thanks.

After the communist Daleks in Brotherhood failed because they were too far over on that 'authoritarian' political map, clearly Libretarian Daleks are the answer. Except they're all such bastards they'd go objectivist and thus they'd be pretty much exactly like they were before...
aralias: brax is made of winaralias on August 20th, 2009 09:01 am (UTC)
what's the best line? you know what the best line is. well, it's two lines:

“But when do I get to be President?”

“Never,” Braxiatel said with infinite repressed bitterness.


oh, brax. you will be president! you will be president for TWO WHOLE MINUTES.

ho hum, so moving on. i found these all to be a bit tricky - in that for every single one i read it and went... what is the master's plan? what's going on here? and admittedly, that's sort of what happens in any episode the master's in ever, but usually it's a bit easier in fanfic. (sponsor would have been better than patronus, do we think?)

still, very funny once i got them. all, very funny. the last is lovely - the deadpan in the 'Cats' (that's a joke that got out of hand) is brilliant, both at the beginning and the end. i love.

the only other problem is your TERRIBLE use of the word panto. yes, that is what it means. yes, it's a perfectly valid description of the master's performance in anything, but NO, the sixth doctor would not use it in that way. he would say "pantomime, because he disapproves of shortening words.

why am i no fun? i do not know.
x_losfic: Sixx_losfic on August 20th, 2009 01:11 pm (UTC)
I don't think that'd satisfy Brax, somehow?

You know the fact that they /contained/ plans, even terrible ones, automatically puts them above like, several serials.

Also I wanted Patronus b/c the Roman Patron/Client relationship is so funny, and so very Gallifrey. "They were required to show up every morning as their patrons "levy" to see if there was any service that their patron required of them that day. "--you have to scramble at ass-crack-of-dawn-o'clock to your patron's house to see if he needs any errands run. I can't imagine them doing this without it being good.

LOOK I CHANGED IT, MAYBE IF WE WENT TO ONE IT WOULD BE OKAY. :(
aralias: romana IIaralias on August 20th, 2009 01:21 pm (UTC)
it's a fundamental failure to understand the character of the sixth doctor, my dear, rather than a failure to understand the meaning of the word 'panto'. but yes, we could go to one. i do enjoy them. also i will check my bank balance and some time and see whether i can afford the first series of benny, and as you are, no doubt aware, the first episode ks about pantomime (oh, not it isn't! ooooh, yes it is, etc)

and i am, in fact, also up on the patron thang, having studied classical civilisation in my youth (or at least, having attended some classes entitled classical civilisation), but i still feel that it's a bit like if the romans had had something called 'quidditch'. it's going to be recognised and make people go - brax is koschei's patronus, what now?

also (this is a very long comment):

You know the fact that they /contained/ plans, even terrible ones, automatically puts them above like, several serials.

thsi is true.

and if brax had put aside his love for romana and gone after the presidency properly, he would have got it eventually and held onto it. he has only himself to blame - she wasn't even a good president.
x_los: The Green Death--wait.x_los on August 20th, 2009 01:28 pm (UTC)
Perhaps I should have finished ish, re: Six and language. It's hard to gauge how to use a word when the context/feel of it aren't familiar to you. *shrug*

There has to be SOME way of not bankrupting yourself on that.

*sigh* Look, just because Rowling randomly appropriates Latin is no reason to fork over the language to her--though actually if that wasn't that random and the spell evolved out of some similar social context, that could be really cool...

Well, I mean. her goodness is arguable, maybe. She did, er, do okay first series? Made some treaties with other temporal powers? And stuff?
aralias: great ideas for a dollararalias on August 20th, 2009 01:38 pm (UTC)
that she went crazy is no reason to write her off forever... though yes, romana was a pretty good president, but brax would have been better.

also, to keep talking about brax until it's really boring, the first couple of benny's are currently available from the official website for a fiver. if this isn't a sign that i should give nick briggs my money, i don't know what is.
x_losx_los on August 20th, 2009 01:42 pm (UTC)
DO THAT! Five pounds?! That's lovely!

I think bagheera_san made a good point in conversation that Romana could well have gone slower and pissed the entirety of Gallifrey off less, which is... fair as well, I guess, re: her presidential skillz.
Lena: Unicjk1701 on August 20th, 2009 10:21 am (UTC)
“WE MUST FOLLOW CHOMSKY, BUT DALEK COMMANDER 08 CONTENDS AYN RAND HAS MERIT. ARBITRATE!”

Nonononono, I have a month before uni starts again, you're NOT doing this to me. *cowers*

I love the lot. Obviously the Master would be bored if he won without having a worthy opponent around.
x_losfic: Five/Ainley!Masterx_losfic on August 20th, 2009 01:12 pm (UTC)
And yet I have done it!! Thanks.
Pretty Arbitraryprettyarbitrary on August 20th, 2009 01:39 pm (UTC)
“WE MUST FOLLOW CHOMSKY, BUT DALEK COMMANDER 08 CONTENDS AYN RAND HAS MERIT. ARBITRATE!”

See, that's how evil they are. They'd become Libertarian, and then start printing madly huge runs of Atlas Shrugged and spamming the galaxy with them.

I loved "Magical Doctor Mistoffelees," though. Your drabble has given the musical a reason to exist. XD
x_los: Daleks Venerate Shakespeare.x_los on August 20th, 2009 01:46 pm (UTC)
I think I'd prefer death to being forced to read the Fountainhead?

I kind of loathe Cats. Really loathe it. But I'd still go to the Master/Cheetah/Kitling revival.
rayden54rayden54 on August 22nd, 2009 03:48 am (UTC)
I read the fountainhead. It's not a story really.
x_losfic: Sevenx_losfic on August 23rd, 2009 04:16 am (UTC)
She was required reading in my school district--I was subjected to The Jungle as a child. x_x
rayden54rayden54 on August 23rd, 2009 05:05 am (UTC)
::Shudder::
mellifluous576mellifluous576 on August 20th, 2009 06:02 pm (UTC)
Thank you for this spot of hilarious crack. I always suspected the villainy of leaflets. These lines must be my favorites:

"“WE MUST FOLLOW CHOMSKY, BUT DALEK COMMANDER 08 CONTENDS AYN RAND HAS MERIT. ARBITRATE!”"

"The silver poked him with a plunger. “VALIDATE RON PAUL! VALIDATE!”"

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! =D
x_los: Daleks Venerate Shakespeare.x_los on August 21st, 2009 02:14 am (UTC)
Thanks, glad you liked. :)
psifi872psifi872 on August 20th, 2009 06:59 pm (UTC)
Hello! I am so dying from laughing and now I'm going to seriously fangirl you!!! I have loved your fic ever since I started reading Doctor/Master and particularly Ainley!Master fic. You are tied for number one at the top of my favorite writer list (with aralias)! :D Today just proved how awesome you are for connecting the Master and Stefano! I ADORE that theory! <3 <3 <3 It makes sense that two of the hottest, most impossible to kill villains ever are the same person! :D

These were so hilarious, all of them! :D
x_los: Japanese Prettyx_los on August 21st, 2009 02:23 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks. Glad I'm tied with my gf in your affections? :p Also, totally spent summers as a child shipping Stefano and Marlena, DEMON POSSESSION AND ALL. CLEARLY this has prepared me for D/M shipping in many ways...
Prosecutor Weird: i am a writerredvelvetaddict on August 20th, 2009 10:40 pm (UTC)
VALIDAAATE!
“This,” the Doctor said, “is your worst idea.”

well i say these drabbles are the BEST IDEA :D
x_losx_los on August 21st, 2009 02:12 am (UTC)
Re: VALIDAAATE!
Thank you! <3
Пруkate_swynford on August 21st, 2009 11:46 am (UTC)
Lovely. The Delagado Master was my favourite, but the Master as the star of Days in the Lives of All My Children was brilliant. :)
x_losfic: Sixx_losfic on August 23rd, 2009 04:17 am (UTC)
Aha. You know you'd watch it for the many costume!reveals and resurrections.
ushas42ushas42 on August 23rd, 2009 07:02 am (UTC)
Hee! These are all good, but I think my favorite is the second one. Because really, what's more fun, a pragmatic success or a spectacular failure?
x_los: Brig is just a dubious person.x_los on August 23rd, 2009 08:16 pm (UTC)
Spectacular failure, obviously, or we'd all be Rani/Doctor shippers...